This week I start teaching a tai chi class at a local gym. (David Lloyd Burton Waters 10am on Sunday morning) And as I prepare to start teaching I am feeling reflective about my experiences learning tai chi and how these lessons have affected me on a variety of levels.

Tai chi is very holistic exercise. It is a martial art, a meditative practice, and a medical/remedial exercise. Many of the great taijiquan masters came to learn tai chi to overcome illness. I came to tai chi more by coincidence. Did my acupuncturist suggest it? I wish he had the minute I met him, but it was a few years later. I took up tai chi because I couldn’t find a suitable yoga class.

Before I began learning tai chi, I thought exercise had to be hard, sweaty, exhausting and competitive to really engage me fully. I saw myself as an athlete, my youth had been spent training hard and competing regularly in athletics. Starting slow was really not in my experience and so my attempts at getting into shape were often harsh and painful as my expectations were based on my teenage body, not the middle-aged one I found myself in. I was deeply discouraged on many levels when I took to going to tai chi class.

What have I learned from practicing tai chi?

Being Present
Tai chi teaches a sense of being present in your body in a relaxed way. To move in a way that does not increase the tension already present is a sort of meditation. This focus on slow movement and balance creates a sense of awareness that carries over into all areas of my life. I feel more present in my body and am quicker to sense tension and imbalance in situations in everyday life.

The gap between my mind and my body is smaller. I don’t just think about the movement, I am the movement. I recognize many similarities to the state of mind of high-level athletes and tai chi practice. The physical movements are done with complete physical discipline, yet relaxed mental focus.

Breathing Well
I hold my breath, a lot. I didn’t realize this until after I had been practicing tai chi for a few years that my breathing was pretty shallow and that I would hold it unconsciously when stressed or focusing intently. That meant I was starving my body of oxygen and creating a very deep level of tension. Breathing in a relaxed way, and again, being aware of how you are breathing can create a deep sense of ease and relaxation. I feel more relaxed overall and breathing in a relaxed way is a big part of that.

Finding a teacher
Ah well, they say the right teacher arrives when you need it. I started with a local teacher to learn the 103-step Yang form. I was an enthusiastic and diligent student, but three years later I was not half way to learning the complete form, despite going 2-3 times a week and practicing daily. I waited and took the lesson that I felt he was trying to teach me and refocused on areas that I still needed to work on, (this is a lifelong practice as nothing is ever ‘done’ in tai chi) but in the end I felt I needed the whole form for my understanding and a sense of progress. This teacher would not honour my need and weeks passed with no new steps. It was time to move on and find my way forward. I spent a month in Seattle training with Master Yang Jun whose Yang family style was similar to what I knew. I went to seminars with Christopher Pei and even stopped by William CC Chen’s New York class on holiday. I went to great lengths to find a teacher wherever in the world I was. Now I have settled with a style and a teacher that suits me. And I realize that it is part of the journey and I am grateful for all of my teachers.

Patience
I am a sprinter. I do things fast. I multi-task. I have a busy family and social life. I like doing. I like a sense of getting somewhere. Tai chi has been like an antidote for all of this doingness. I am driven, and god knows I really would rather not be, so it seems the cosmic ordering service gives me what I am asking for – a lesson in being. Just being. Not doing. I actually stopped doing the form for a while and just stayed in postures trying to learn how to be still. Trying to be patient with the not doing. It seems the hardest thing about my practice, the stillness, but the most nourishing. So much of modern life is focused on the doing and an antidote is very much necessary – yin yang, the necessity of opposites etc… To be okay with just being, wow, what a concept.

How not to try TOO hard
It was almost comical that I tried too hard to do tai chi, which is possibly the one thing that does not respond to someone trying too hard. Progress is made through deep ease and relaxation in movement. So to put huge effort in is counter-productive. I had found my match. And I relaxed. I learned to be kinder to myself, more patient. Not to say I have left my tendency towards busy-ness behind, but at least I am aware of my drive and how it can foil my intentions.

I recently went to learn a sword form and was praised for picking it up quickly which I took as a warning. I felt like it was a sort of test for me NOT to learn the form, and sure enough the teacher urged us to just stand with the sword in the beginning posture and feel, to meditate. So I did, (sort of anyway). And I tried not to try too hard…. That for me was hard…and I didn’t learn the whole form, but slowly I will. But also I know that the real lesson is nothing to do with the movements, it is the awareness within, and that is what I love trying to feel and understand.

Now I am going to teach, no form. Ha! NO form for my students, just the seven basic movements. It is a drop-in class at a gym, so it doesn’t suit a form class anyway, but serves as an introduction. Wish me luck! And to my students, thank you for your patience as I guarantee you will need it!