Pouring the tea…

March 6th, 2010

Sometimes of life’s best lessons only really sink in years or months after you get them. I have only recently started to actually learn what matters to me. And what matters to me, I share like a toddler standing on two feet and smiling broadly at the sheer joy of it.

So…

I was given a great lesson in September.

It was an object lesson in gentleness. A master class in not disturbing stuff. The how-to book of letting things be. A Zen retreat in Just being okay with things as they are.

In September went on a qigong sword retreat. During one of the many tea breaks, I was standing near the qigong master with another new student. He called our attention to the tea pot he was preparing to pour water into.

An inch of loose green tea floated in a bit of water at the bottom of the glass teapot. He poured more hot water in from a height of about six inches. Very slowly. In a steady stream.

The tea leaves did not move, they just quivered slightly. As he poured, he quietly said this is how we need to be in life. Not disturbing the tea leaves, everything in life needs to be treated this way. With great care.

I remembered it.

Only last week did I try to do this with my glass tea pot. I thought it would NOT be so difficult to do.

So I tried again, more slowly. Nope, still absolutely and (for me) maddeningly impossible…the tea leaves swirled around in the tsunami of my pouring.

Ten tea pots later (or so, I’ve stopped counting), I am laughing at myself wondering just how many years before I can pour tea gently like Zhixing.

Dangerous Waters

I know that as a therapist, I can often blunder in, upset the leaves, and cloud the water. Meaning well all the while, but causing upset nonetheless. Clients usually have come in a stirred up state in the first place, with pain or discomfort of some description.

I pride myself on my strength as a massage therapist. Deep tissue work is a favorite in my toolkit. Strong insistent pressure releases those knots. But increasingly I am going back to some of the pressing and shaking Shiatsu movements that are much more gentle. I am getting a bit more careful about wading into someone’s shoulder and really TRYING TOO HARD TO DO TOO MUCH, TOO FAST. I think that might be my theme song’s chorus, if I had a theme song…

As it is in my work, so it is in my life. With great faith in hard work and determined intention, I feel I can do absolutely anything. And I go charging ahead, somewhat oblivious of lots of little things that get stirred up in my wake.

Is there more gentle way forward?

The tea leaves still churn about when I pour.

Thank you, Zhixing for showing me how to pour tea.

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How to Make Tea – British Culture 101

March 5th, 2010

Nearly twenty years ago, when I first arrived in the UK, it was rare not to be offered a cuppa tea whenever you visited with someone. I did not drink tea. Never had.

At first when offered a cup of tea, I would try to explain that tea drinking was forbidden for faithful members of my church. “What is wrong with tea?” They would exclaim in disbelief.

I earnestly tried to explain the Mormon wisdom of abstaining from tea, coffee and alcohol as the thought bubble of ‘complete nutter’ loomed above their astonished faces. I soon learned to stop trying to explain and just keep my mouth shut – not an easy feat for me…

Friends coming to my house were subjected to the awfulness that is something called ‘QT.’ For YEARS, I served friends this instant tea stuff. They never drank it all. I never noticed.

Until…I learned how to make a proper cuppa.

During a mercifully slow, long evening shift manning a suicide hotline, I was taught the very strict rules on how to make a pot of tea by one of my fellow volunteers. It was what we did to pass the time, make and drink tea, as only the British can.

1. Pour fresh water into the kettle – boil
2. Rinse the pot with boiled water.
3. Put a teabag in for the pot and one for each cuppa, then add the water
4. Let steep according to taste
5. Add milk (not if it is Earl Grey, to do so is slightly common, apparently)
6. Add sugar (only if you are working class….posher friends seem to never even have sugar bowls – I love sugar in my tea)

The next time I had friends round, I made a ‘proper’ cup of tea. And my friends, now freed from the awfulness of the instant tea, heaped praise on my newly-minted, tea-making skill.

I was beside myself with disbelief. WHY could you not tell me it was awful, rather than be so polite? I begged an answer from my friends.

They just wanted to be polite. To criticize my awful tea would be rude.

I valued honesty above such a formal polite attitude, especially amongst my dear friends. But this was to be the first of many lessons in British culture.

The difference between American and British Clients

Recently I have had quite a few American clients in my clinic. They seemed much more demanding when compared to my British clients. An important ‘aha’ moment came as I realized why.

My American clients tell me in a very straight forward, no pussy-footing around way what they want from me – whether it be another pillow or that they are not warm enough. They just say it plainly.

None of the typically British verbal padding and reticence that I have become accustomed to… “Sorry, but would you mind awfully….” “Only if it isn’t too much trouble could you…”

A huge back catalog of situations where I have been puzzled by the ruffled feathers in response to what I thought was honest communication came cascading into my mind. Oh dear….that lesson has taken awhile to sink in.

The Brits are so much more polite and will hesitate, even knowing me well, to ask for another blanket or a lighter pressure or anything really. Or perhaps they will not continue to come for treatment. They value politeness over honesty.

I value honest feedback from my clients. Ask for what you need from me as your therapist relevant to your treatment. I will not think you impolite. I’ll just think you are honest.

And I will try my best to speak the British language politely, but please excuse any lapses into blunt American.

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Conversations with Master Chu

March 3rd, 2010

Learning to be a Sage

July 6th, 2009

“Learning to be a Sage: Conversations of Master Chu, Arranged topically” by Master Chu, translated with a commentary by Daniel K Gardener.

The roots of Chinese medicine are inextricable intertwined with Chinese culture and philosophy. Understanding Chinese mores of behavior and history might help me as I study these ancient texts on health and disease. Master Chu’s conversations form the ground beliefs that most native Chinese medical practitioners understand innately as so much Confucian thought is contained in their culture. And as Master Chu focused his teachings on education and actually how to learn, I thought could be useful in my last year of university….

Who is Master Chu?

Chu Hsi’s prodigious scholarly output in his life (1130-1200) influenced Chinese culture for centuries. His commentaries on the Confucian classics made his brand of Confucianism the accepted interpretation from the early fourteenth century to the early twentieth century. He developed for his disciples a systematic, step-by-step program of self-perfection. He spent his life endlessly teaching and writing with a missionary zeal in the hope that the moral cultivation of the individual would lead to social and political harmony.

Master Chu believed that his highly elaborate program for the self-cultivation of the individual was the key to solving society’s ills. He felt that Chinese society and culture in the 12th century was in crisis and only if the proper values were transmitted could the crisis be resolved.

What was a sage according to Master Chu?

Learning to be a sage was to become fully moral. And while every man is born with the same good nature, the same principle, few are able to make that nature manifest in their lives. All are also born with a psychophysical endowment that determines whether an individual can make their highest nature manifest. Master Chu believed that even the most evil of people still had the same good nature, but that it was simply badly obscured. So the dilemma was how to refine and perfect one’s psychophysical qualities so they did not obscure one’s true nature.

For Master Chu, education held the power to reform, perfect and polish one’s true nature. But the nature of this type of education bears no resemblance to what we think of as schooling, no, he had a more comprehensive understanding of education, which included the transmission and absorption of cultural values, customs and modes of proper behavior.

He wrote a work called ‘Family Rituals” which functioned as a manual offering guidelines on how to behave with others in the community as well as the family. Ritual acts in the Chinese context were thought to breed in the individual an inner correctness.

In his lifetime, Chu, in his capacity as an official, had many shrines and memorials built honoring men who in their lifetimes had displayed exemplary moral qualities. This was an extension of the Confucian belief that thru the power of moral example, a good person would through “magical charisma” transform those around him into morally superior individuals.

The Articles of the White Deer Hollow Academy
Chu was critical of the educational system. His system of education was practiced at the White Deer Hollow Academy. The following is the basis for its curriculum that is reverently referred to as ‘The Five Teachings’ which were a model for education throughout East Asia until recently.

Affection between parent and child;
Righteousness between ruler and subject;
Differentiation between husband and wife;
Precedence between elder and younger;
Trust between friends

In studying there is also a proper sequence of five items:

Study extensively
Inquire carefully
Ponder thoroughly
Sift clearly,
And practice earnestly

For self-cultivation the following is part of practicing earnestly:

Be loyal and true to your every word.
Be serious and careful in all you do
Curb your anger and restrain your lust
Move toward the good
Correct your errors

And in handling your affairs:

Accord with the righteous,
Do not seek profit
Illuminate the Way
Do not calculate the advantages

And in dealing with other people:

Do NOT do to others what you do NOT want done to you (sounds familiar?)
Whenever you fail to achieve your purpose, look into yourself

On reading:
Master Chu lived when books were only beginning to become available outside of the palaces and temples. Memorization of the classics was no longer necessary. Chu worried that this would lead to laziness in thinking. People would read indiscriminately and not really THINK. (What would he make of the internet?). He calls for limiting the scope of one’s reading and reading intensively the source material – the Confucian classic canon in this case.

Quotes from the conversations that I like:

“4-18 Your reading will be successful only if you understand the spot where everything interconnects-east and west meet at this pivotal point. Simply dedicate yourself to what you’re doing at the moment, don’t think about the past or the future, and you’ll naturally get to this point. But now you say that you’ve never been able to do it (i.e. read properly), that you fear you’re too slow, or fear that you’re not up to doing it, or fear that it is difficult or fear that you’re stupid or fear that you won’t remember what you’ve read – this is idle talk. Simply dedicate yourself to what you’re doing at the moment don’t be concerned whether you’re fast or slow and soon you will naturally get there because you have never done it before, exert the right effort now, and make up for past failures. Don’t look to your front or back don’t think about east or west or soon you’ll have wasted a lifetime without realizing that you‘ve grown old.”

4-23…keep the curriculum small, but the effort you make on it large….

4-24…don’t strive for quantity, instead become intimately familiar with what you read… only if you read for the meaning of the ancients will your reading be right.

4-28 I especially don’t want people to skip around as they read. It is essential to focus on each and every paragraph.

4-38 …students are fond of breadth but often lack detailed understanding. They spread themselves over a hundred different books, which isn’t as good as having a detailed understanding of one.

4-51 A man reading is like a man drinking wine. A man who loves drinking will finish one cup and want still another. A man who doesn’t love it will force his way through one cup and stop.

4-52 In reading you must set a limit beforehand. Managing your reading is like farm work: in farming there are boundary lines. Learning is the same. Beginning student today don’t appreciate this principle. At the outset they are extremely zealous, but gradually they become more and more indolent. And in the end they pay no attention at all. This is simply because they don’t set limits at the outset.

Holding On to It (once you’ve read it very carefully…)
Master Chu spoke extensively on how to cultivate mental attentiveness and that this skill was vital if one hoped to become a sage. Many of the quotes mention quiescence, and learning to have the quality of quiescence even amidst swift activity. Quiescence = inner peace or calm. Although he advocated quiet sitting he cautioned his students about exaggerating its importance like the Buddhists did.

6-3 If the mind is not preserved, your entire person will be without a master.

6-8 A man confused isn’t lucid: it’s only as he begins to acknowledge his confusion that lucidity sets in. !!!

Energetically Putting it into Practice
Master Chu spoke often about the civil service examinations that were required to advance in Chinese politics. He felt the emphasis on preparation for the exams often compromised true learning, yet he felt that this could be balanced with the right attitude – “It’s only if one first fills one’s mind with thoughts of success and failure that injury is done. – Just use the examinations as an instrument to straighten your own moral principle”

7-7 To engage in learning is like climbing a pagoda. If you climb one story after another, you’ll personally get to know the top story, without inquiring of anyone else. If you don’t actually walk up it, but just fantasize about it you’ll be incapable of understanding even the lowest story. JFDI?!

7-24 In teaching and guiding the younger generation, you must be stern and untiring. But only if you’re able to inspire and enlighten them as well will you be successful. If you’re simply stern with them, restraining them and that is all; it’ll be of no help.

7-41 Discussion that sidesteps and avoids the issue is most harmful to matters.

This is just a recap of the book really, to keep after I have sent it back to the British Library where it lives. It is out of print and maybe I will have to find a copy as I just love the title….cause it seems to be what I have been trying to learn my whole life.

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2 Responses to “Learning to be a Sage”

  1. Cheryl Says:
    July 6th, 2009 at 10:08 pm   edit

    Paige,
    I really enjoyed reading this. Found myself at fault in so so many ways. Keep the great info coming. So happy you have found your path!
    Love, Cheryl

  2. Paige Says:
    July 7th, 2009 at 10:05 am   edit

    Thanks for reading Cheryl! Nice to hear from you and give my love to the family. x

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